Naruto meets Gackt
by Lanugro
Summary: People from Japan's pop-culture clash with the world of Naruto along with...two....weirdos? Total randomness, character glossaries, 2 odd OCs, and a world of black holes and popcorn!
1. Naruto Meets Gackt

It was a dark and stormy night... Actually, it was bright and sunny during the day, but that's irrelevant anyway. It just so happened that Naruto was currently being dragged away by giant pink cats. Of course they really weren't giant cats they were just some lame people in cat outfits, and one of the eyes was falling off one of the now cyclops cat heads. Yep, it was pretty freaky looking. Anyway, as he was being dragged down the street they ran over Sakura (yay!) And Sasuke's hair glue got stuck to one of the cat's feet. Wait, how did Sasuke get there?? Anyway...

He was brooding about his brother when suddenly this giant pink cat (actually someone in a cat suit) stepped on his head interrupting his thoughts on killing Itachi. Hence, Sasuke was being dragged along with Naruto by the giant pink cats! Where they were going... it was...

A GACKT CONCERT!! fan girls squeal

Kamijo and Neji(?)were there! Having a contest to see who has the prettiest hair. Of course with Kamijo's chamaeleon hair that changed colors every few minutes it was no contest at all. But Neji refused to give up! (That a boy!)

In the meantime Naruto and Sasuke had been successfully dragged onto the stage by the cats, and were promptly dressed in cat outfits. Sasuke had the fortune to be in a sparkly pink one, and Naruto was given the the cute black one that was too big for him.

Just then, the curtains opened (what curtains?) And Gackt rode in on a white horse dressed in samurai armor wielding a long samurai sword that looked fake, and saying "Ha! Ha! Ha!" As he rode along looking like an idiot (to some) and an imbecile to others. Then everyone thought:

"Wait a minute, you're not a samurai you're a ninja!"

While Naruto and Sasuke looked on in confusion.

Just then, Gackt "flew" from atop his horse and rose into the air, going higher and higher... until he hit the ceiling with a thud. Then he just dangled there, pouting, realizing that he couldn't get down.

Then Naruto looked at Sasuke and said "Did either one of us eat cold pizza last night?"

Sasuke replied "I thought you only ate ramen?"

Meanwhile, Neji and Kamijo were in a cat fight and grabbing at each other's beautiful hair. The fan girls were cheering them on both sides!

"Go Neji! Pin his shoulders!"

"Go Kamijo! Poke his eyes out!"

While Gackt was just hanging there looking down, he suddenly got the urge for marshmallows. Suddenly he spotted Naruto and Sasuke who were bewildered by the site of everything. They were eating marshmallows cooking them over a campfire in the middle of the stage.

"Hey you!!" Gackt shouted.

Naruto and Sasuke looked around a moment. Sasuke pinpointed where the mysterious lunatic voice was coming from.

"It's that idiot up there." He said.

Naruto promptly looked up getting whiplash in the process. And saw the figure in white above them. For a moment he thought it was a ghost. Then the voice said again.

"You down there! Would you give me a marshmallow?"

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other a moment, then both said.

"Get it yourself." And continued eating.

Gackt said "Don't you know who I am? You foolish mortals!"

Of course Naruto and Sasuke couldn't care less.

Just then a shadowy figure leaped into the air and cut down the wire that held Gackt up. Of course, gravity took control and he fell down– right on top of Sasuke.

Sasuke opened his eyes and found himself face to face with two beautiful blue eyes that were obviously fake.

And Gackt found himself face to face with a sparkly pink cat head.

"I want you!" Gackt embraced the fluffy thing. It was love at first sight.

Sasuke had a mental spasm and was unable to move from shock. It was just like Orochimaru all over again. Naruto came to the rescue and used the thousand years of death on Gackt, forcing him to fly off of his victim.

Sasuke was still frozen with fear. He may never recover.

Meanwhile, Kamijo and Neji were still fighting when Chachamaru came to the scene. The fan girls immediately converted to Chachaism and starting rooting for Chacha! Kamijo and Neji looked on with despair, with anime tears falling down their wide white eyes. They both had lost. The shame. Kamijo put his arm around Neji.

"It's a cruel world... in the shampoo department." He sighed.

Err... anyway...

Gackt was still sore and moaning while Naruto attempted to run away with Sasuke (who was still immobilized). He didn't get very far, for as we said earlier, his outfit was too big. He fell into the crowd and started a mosh-pit.

As soon as Gackt's rear was numb, he removed his white fur coat and revealed that he was the leader of the Camui clan shinobi! Hya! Or is it nya? Jaa?

Naruto stared in shock. His outfit was awesome! He had tight black leather pants and a black leather jacket, with sparkly pink hearts on it. His snake skin boots had four inch heels at least. And his albino alligator belt had flower studs on it. Not to mention his cool guitar that was actually a sword.

By this time Sasuke was regaining mobility. That was... until he saw Gackt.

"Is that a man or a woman?" He blurted out, his eyes wide open.

"He could ask you the same thing, Sasuke." Naruto replied lamely.

Just then Itachi popped in next to Gackt posing like Might Guy.

"I am the fairest of them all!!" Itachi said, batting his eyes.

Gackt glared at him a moment. Then squealed. "Itachi sama!!" His eyes sparkling. "Can I have your autograph?"

Yes, it was almost too much for poor Sasuke-chan to bear. In fact, it was too much. He ripped off the cat costume and charged at Itachi with a dagger. Not realizing he only had underwear underneath. Chachaism immediately became unpopular and the fan girls converted once again to Sasukeism. He now had every breathing female between ages of eight and fifty-three wrapped around his little finger. They converged so much around him that he was unable to move, though Itachi was within a few feet of his reach. Darn himself for being so pretty! (Pretty stupid. Who forgets they only have underwear on?)

And then Kakash—

Sasuke felt a soft smelly thing push against his mouth. As he opened his eyes and his vision cleared he saw it was a foot. Following the foot down the leg, he saw a golden haired head. His eyes popped open as he realized it was Naruto's foot in his mouth.

He knocked the foot aside which propelled Naruto into the wall.

"What do you think you're doing usuratonkachi!?" Sasuke exclaimed.

But Naruto continued snoring, still in lala land (or with Gackt at the concert)

Sasuke was infuriated. _How DARE he ignore him!? _ But there was no helping it. Naruto slept like a dead brick. If bricks sleep. Sasuke looked around the room trying to remember what had happened before the dream. There was a box of pizza by his feet, being attacked by ants (the pizza that is), and a Gackt concert DVD box on the floor. And Sakura was peeking through the window at him.

It was all coming back to him now...

Last night Sasuke was on his way home from a mission when a black hole appeared in the sky and out popped two weirdos. They were two girls with blond hair and strange clothes. Crumbled on the ground in front him, they pushed each other until they both got up.

"I told you not to eat that cold pizza last night!" The older girl said to the other.

"But it was sausage!" The younger one replied, her eyes still remembering the savory food.

Sasuke just stared at them. Great. Just what he needed.

Then Naruto came running right into him, yelling something about Sasuke owning him ramen. The collision caused all four peoples to be entangled in a very un shinobi like way.

"Get off of me!!" Yelled the older girl who was stuck at the bottom of the pile.

The younger one was just giggling like the weirdo she was.

Naruto clumsily got up to his feet. "O-oh... Sorry." He grinned.

One girl squealed and glomped him like a crazy fan girl.

"NARUTOOOOOO CHAAAN!!" She exclaimed, and muttered some random nonsense that no one could really understand.

As all four of them were standing up, they were suddenly in front of Sasuke's house. The older girl and Sasuke stared at Naruto who was still being smothered by the other girl. The older girl glared at Sasuke.

"You're not Gackt." She frowned.

Having no idea what she was talking about he just ignored it.

"You're not Itachi." He mumbled back.

The girl looked down at herself a moment. "Nope, I'm not."

"Let's get some ramen!" The younger girl exclaimed, (randomly.)

She and Naruto were going to get along VERY well.

Next thing they knew, they were all in front of the ramen stand. Sasuke goggled, as Naruto and his new friend went ahead and started eating at an almost inhuman pace. The older girl sighed and said, "You're paying!" To Sasuke.

He glared back at her. She didn't seem to care at all. They were going to get along VERY well.

Finally, Naruto's curiosity got hold of him and he asked his new friend what her name was.

"Aku!" she beamed, between slurping noodles.

"And how did you know my name?" He wondered.

"Because I'm a Naruto fan!"

He stared blankly then shook it off and smiled. "Well how about more ramen, Aku chan?"

"OK!" She screamed. "Hey Lulu, have some ramen!" She called to her companion.

"We should be getting home." The older girl said, her arms crossed.

"Aww... but I want to stay and share Gackt with them!" Aku whined.

"What's Gackt?" Naruto asked dumbly. "Is it a yummy thing?"

"Well..." Lulu looked away and shrugged. "Some people say that."

Meanwhile Sasuke was having a hard time digesting all this information at once. Before he knew what had happened, they were leaving and he was stuck paying the bill.

They were at Sasuke's house and had ordered pizza, making themselves at home. The pizza came, Sasuke got stuck paying again, and they watched a Gackt concert DVD that had mysteriously appeared.

"You're a Gackt fan?" Lulu asked Sasuke.

He said nothing.

Hence the night was filled with Gackt music, dancing cats, and cold pizza. As the night wore on, the two girls decided it was time to leave.

"But how do we get home?" Lulu wondered.

"Just click your heels three times and say 'there's no place like home, there's no place like home.'" Aku suggested.

Lulu hit her over the head. "I'll click you! I don't even know how we got here!"

"Well... we were eating pizza and watching Naruto... then..."

"Are we dreaming?" Lulu considered. "If we are, we'll wake up. But if not..."

"You can stay here for tonight!" Naruto invited, ignoring the fact that it wasn't even his house.

Sasuke glared at him.

"Ok! Can we please!" Aku asked the older girl.

"Uh..." Lulu seemed reluctant.

Just then a cold breeze blew in threw the fireplace and Itachi came through wearing a red cloak.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" He said in a deep voice.

Aku smiled and screamed "Itachi where do you get your nails done?"

He held out his freshly manicured hand and said "I do it myself."

"Oh really? Would you do mine please?" Sasuke said.

Itachi stared a moment. Then smiled gently. "Of course, little brother."

And so... The rest of the evening was spent doing manicures and make-overs, the result of which you don't want to know. But we'll tell you anyway.

For Naruto he was given hair extensions, so now he has long pretty gold hair, and some mascara and just a touch of lipstick. His nails were white with red swirls. As for Sasuke, we managed to unglue his hair so now it cascaded down his back like a black waterfall. We plucked his eyebrows and gave him some pink lipstick so he rather resembled a Visual Kei Rocker. He had a French manicure. Itachi didn't need much work, just a little more eyeliner. As for the two girls, we're not telling...

Some time they must have all fallen asleep. And when Sasuke awoke from the pizza induced nightmare and found Naruto's foot in his mouth, the two girls and Itachi were no where to be found. The three girls must have left.

Sasuke and Naruto were now thought of as girls and had new fanclubs. Great... Poor Sasuke can't get away from it can he??

And so ended the night when Naruto and Sasuke met Gackt. But was it really the end... ??

TO BE CONTINUED

People Glossary:

Camui, Gackt: Also known as Gackt. Japanese musician, singer, solo artist. Also considered one of Japan's most popular personalities.

Chachamaru: Part of Gackt's back up band called Gacktjob, long time guitarist with pretty long hair. Also has released some solo work.

Itachi: sasuke's older bother in the anime Nartuo © masashi kishimoto. Itachi is a high ranked criminal for killing sasuke's family, but recent reports from the manga show that it was a mission to do so. Itachi is in an organization that wants the nine-tail from naruto. Has an eye-tecnique than can slow down time, copy stuff/jutsu and create illusions then mentally disturb people called sharringan and mangekyou.

Kamijo: Former vocalist of VK band Lareine, and current vocalist of Versailles.

Naruto: the main charracter in Naruto © masashi kishimoto he is sasuke and sakura's teammate and holds the nine-tailed demon fox (kyubi), the god of fire and the king of demons inside him. Has a crush on sakura in the manga, but not in any of our stories! And is sasuke's rival

Neji: neji is one of naruto's friends in Naruto © masashi kishimoto. He is from the hyuga clan, a clan split of from the uchiha clan, so sasuke, itachi and neji are like veeeeeeeery distant cousins. Has an eye-technique than can see chakra, the energy shinobi fight with.

Sakura: sakura is from Naruto © masashi kishimoto. She has a horrible attitude toward naruto and is totally obsessed with sasuke. She gets nicer eventually, but I still don't like her. Her rival is ino (who will probably not be mentioned otherwise.)

Sasuke: sasuke is uchiha itachis younger brother, and is silent, broody, and basically a jerk that is loved by all and is rivaled by naruto. But he warms up and naruto and him become best friends. Has an eye-tecnique than can slow down time and copy stuff/jutsu called sharringan.


	2. Orochimaru's Capture

The capture of Orochimaru. Or the torture and eventual apprehension of Oro-kun.

It was a bright and sunny day somewhere... The sun was smiling, the birds were singing, and Orochimaru was being tackled by kindergartners. All was right with the world! Wait what?? Shall we backtrack and see how this happened?

It all happened after the pizza party with Sasuke, Naruto, Itachi, and the two weirdos from the black hole. The two girls had apparently been put up in a hotel by Itachi who was feeling generous after getting the marvelous make-over. In our story Itachi is a citizen of Konoha.

So the plants were attacking Naruto as he struggled to fight the weeds. Kakashi messed with the weed-be-gone earlier, using Sakura's chemistry set.

Suddenly a giant fat pigeon landed on Naruto's head and scared the weeds away, which Kakashi should have done. Just then Tsunade came barging through yelling something about a kindergarten and a new teacher.

And there was a note tied to the pigeon's wing. Of course no one paid any attention to that. The entire time the pigeon flapped and squawked.

And Naruto was like "WHAT?" as he tried to hear Tsunade over the oversized sparrow.

"I said..." Tsunade tried to make herself heard.

Finally, they both glared down at the bird. Chicken soup was sounding pretty good. The bird immediately sensing danger pooped on Naruto's head. And the letter flew off.

Naruto was about to use the paper to wipe off the stuff from his head when Tsunade grabbed it– the letter that is– and began to read.

"_Dear Lady Tsunade– We, the great Camui clan, request your assistance in apprehending the snake lord Orochimaru, by lending us some of your best shinobi to take our operatives into the Snake Pit. And by the way would you send some more fish cakes, the marshmallow flavored ones from Jakarta. _

_The Great Mr G." _

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "He didn't even mention anything about pay."

Just then Chouji came in saying, "Well if you are successful in capturing lord Orochimaru, isn't that payment enough?"

"Quiet Chouji_, _this isn't friendship and Christmas, it's payment and mission. I want my money!" Tsunade replied sharply.

"I'll do it!" exclaimed Naruto with his usual purple eagerness. (I just didn't want to say orange.)

Getting back on track to the mission, Tsunade ordered Naruto to gather Shikamaru, Neji, Sasuke and Sherlock Holmes, cause Dr. Livingston couldn't come.

After they were assembled, they met back at the place where the chicken- pigeon was sittin. Tsunade passed around the letter, too drunk to make a coherent sentence. Neji randomly piped up, in a baby voice, "Is Orochimaru related to Michael Jackson in any way?"

Everyone just stared blankly.

"Anyway... back to the mission..." Sherlock put in, sucking on his lollipop.

They set out on an epic adventure– about ten feet out of Konoha forest!! Where they met their two contacts that they were to escort to the Snake Pit.

"It's YOU!" Sasuke and Naruto said simultaneously.

"No, Yu isn't here right now." Said Lulu, dryly.

Just then a retarded Naruto plushy popped up with his forehead protector over his eyes.

"I'm really a boy!" it exclaimed. The pigeon ate it.

As everyone tried to erase this encounter from their minds, they headed out with the pigeon into the Snake Pit.

Meanwhile at... Orochimaru's room he was having a sleep over with Kabuto, Kimimaru, and Hagi. They were watching the great Yokai War, trying to gain back their manliness after watching chick flicks. They were also playing twister. Hagi was winning.

"Cookies are ready!" Orochimaru came in wearing a pink apron with frills.

Suddenly there was an explosion coming from the front door.

"Oh my I wonder who that could be?" said Kimimaru.

They could hear voices from the other side of the door.

One was saying "That idiot shouldn't have stepped on the trap."

another voice was saying, "The Teme shouldn't have pushed me!"

Then Orochimaru opened the door, wondering if it was the UPS man with his new giant plastic seahorse. Kabuto ate the old one. Then just like London bridge they all fell in.

Naruto was at the bottom of the pile shouting something inaudible. The others all struggled to stand up and look as cool as possible.

"Get your elbow out of my spleen!" said Neji.

"Get your spleen out of my elbow!" replied Shikamaru.

Sasuke opened his eyes and found himself atop Lulu. He screamed like the girl he was and jumped back. Lulu just stared and then heaved herself up.

"Aku! Where are you?" She looked around.

Then Tayuya came in shouting "CHARGE!" Carrying Aku on her back.

From atop Tayuya. Aku announced, "We have been sent by lord G to capture you and torture you into submission!"

But by this time Naruto was already preparing to fight Orochimaru and his henchpeople.

"Welcome to Madame Pumfry's Insane Asylum!" Said a random voice. They were in the right place!

When all efforts to subdue Orochimaru failed because they kept stopping for tea and biscuits and they couldn't fight for half-an hour after eating.

Lulu finally pulled out the potion that Chachamaru gave her and threw it on Orochimaru, vile and all. This had the desired effect, turning Orochimaru into a fluffy pink cat and rendering him unconscious at the same time.

Unfortunately the Oro-kitty was five hundred pounds. And Kimimaru was guarding it with his spinal cord.

The soothing sound of Hagi's cello soon awoke Orochimaru from his slumber, (because he's a music critic.) And the potion wore off too fast– but he was still five-hundred pounds, rendering his body useless.

"Time for plan B." Said Aku.

"What's plan B?" Lulu wondered.

"I don't know. I didn't know what plan A was." Aku grinned. "Ooh! Cookies!!"

Lulu sighed. It was all up to her now. She remembered what Lord G. Had Camui had told her.

"Your best weapon is your greatest enemy!" He said with his usual sage like manner. Of course he didn't tell her who her greatest enemy was. But if she would have to pick an enemy it would be Yu. But Yu wasn't there. But she had a Yu whistle!

Out it came and the shrill noise broke the teapot.

In came a guy with sparkly blue hair and blond eyes, donned in white leather pants and a black overcoat with really cool chains on it. He was Gackt's alter ego, who was also shared by Lulu.

"You rang?" The dude said.

"No I whistled." She replied.

"Yay it's Big brother Yu!" Aku exclaimed.

Meanwhile... Sasuke, Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru and Sherlock were staring at the scene before them. Actually, Naruto is in lala land again, at the Gackt concert eating ramen.

They snapped back to reality and awaited orders.

"You didn't bring me ice-cream!" Wailed Yu, pointing at Lulu.

"That was six years ago!" She yelled back.

"A woman never forgets!" He looked away defiantly.

"You're not a woman!" She flashed.

Sasuke and Naruto let their jaws drop down.

"That's not a woman?" They both gasped.

"I'm not so sure," Aku said. "I just call him 'big brother' because he refers to himself as a 'he'."

Orochimaru was trying to sneak out the back door while Neji and Kabuto were arguing over who won bingo, like a couple of old ladies.

Sherlock caught Orochimaru by the eat right before he reached the handle.

"I say, you don't happen to have some Earl Grey do you?"

"Only lavender." Orochimaru beamed.

Back in Konoha, Shizune was trying to find Tsunade. She left a mountain of paper work and his had to be done, or else all the pluming in Konoha would shut off.

Back in the Snake Pit...

While we were gone our hero's got back on track, tying Orochimaru to Yu, using the spirit chains from Yu Yu Hakusho.

"Oro-kun," Yu said, "I'm gonna give you a bubble bath, cause you smell like snake gut." He grinned, and giggled.

Orochimaru's eyes opened wide with horror. He hadn't had a bubble bath since he left Konoha, that was seventeen years ago, or was it twenty seven? He's getting senile. Anyway...

Lord G. Had Camui was waiting outside. When they saw him they moaned.

"I've come to claim my bunny! Orochimaru stole it seventeen years ago, when we took a bubble bath together and he drowned my other bunny!" Lord G. exclaimed.

"Oh please! Bunnies only live five years, you pregnant gold-fish!" Orochimaru retorted.

Ignoring this comment for the sake of peace, Lord G. summoned his back-up band and started throwing roses. Unfortunately most of them hit the shinobi giving them severe injuries.

Hagi, feeling left out, also threw roses. It was a rose war!! Hya! Blue versus pink!

After it was all said and done, the hospital in Konoha was filled with victims of the Rose War. And they were all in the same room!

Orochimaru was chained down on one side of the room and Gackt was on the other. This would have been good for Orochimaru except it meant that Yu was still next to him because they lost the key to unchain them. In fact they didn't have the key in the first place but they didn't want to tell him that.

"C'mon Oro-kun, be a good boy and eat your potatoes!" Yu tried to coax him.

Shikamaru came up with the tactic of treating Orochimaru like a baby to get him to yell then you can stuff the food in his mouth. It worked.

"Muff muff mu mahwama." Orochimaru tried to say with his mouth stuffed. Translation: I'm allergic to potatoes!

He puffed up like a frog. Jiraya would be proud.

_Boom! _ Tsunade entered calmly.

"Orochimaru!" She glomped him.

"Get your hands off my Oro-kun!" Yu exclaimed.

"He's mine!"

Shizune came in and poured water over Tsunade. She woke up from her daze and said to the staring guys, "I blame the sake."

But of course we don't know what Yu blamed.

Back to the reason she was in here...

"You," she said, pointing at Gackt. "What is Orochimaru's punishment, and when will you pay me? Answer the last question first! I'm not letting you out until you pay me!"

"Why, I'm paying you with my roses. They're very valuable. Fan girls pay millions for them and try to kill each other to take them."

Sasuke said, "fan girls are scary..."

Orochimaru agrees, "you're telling me..." And side glanced at Yu who was staring at him with sparkly eyes.

"You're my hero!"

"You're a weirdo!"

"No, actually that's us." Aku said.

"I condemn you to... being a kindergarten teacher!" Tsunade announced.

And so... we bring ourselves to the kindergarten, room A24, where Orochimaru is giving the children their first lesson in snakes.

"This is a poison dart viper, if you touch him you'll die." Orochimaru explained. "Who want's to pet him?"

"Me!" All the kids shouted.

Orochimaru gave it to the snot-nosed kid in the front row. He tried to eat it. It didn't get past his fingers, his hand ate it first.

One of the kids in the back yelled, "Deidara ate the snake!"

Naruto then came in. "Hi! We're your assistants!" To Orochimaru's horror, Yu was behind Naruto, grinning.

The kids chanted "Good morning Mr Naruto! And Mr Yu?"

Orochimaru quivered with fear and got out his bow and arrow.

"Call me cupid and let me quit this job!" He exclaimed. "Send me back to Madame Pumfry's insane asylum!"

Naruto just stared. "That was a real place?" He wondered. "We took a lunatic out of an insane asylum and made him into a kindergarten teacher! That idiot Tsunade!"

Yu glombed Orochimaru, "I'll save you Oro-kun!"

"With friends like this, who needs enemies!" Orochimaru sadly stated.

"The enemy of my enemy is considered my friend." Yu replied.

"That doesn't always work..." Naruto muttered.

Meanwhile the kids were doing a ramba. Deidara's hands kept eating the maracas so Tobi had to do it. Tobi is a good boy.

Then the mail fish came it, which was actually a six-pointed starfish. And it delivered a package to Orochimaru, said Kumbaya, and left.

"...IT'S MY CURTAINS!" squealed Orochimaru. He pulled them out and...

They had pictures of Sakura on them.

"My EYES!" wailed Sasuke. (How'd he get there? Oh well, it's our story) "They BURN!"

As they had an argument over the curtains, where to put them, and if Yu left the cookies in the oven, Sasuke and Lulu left to find somewhere where their brooding/daydreaming would not be disturbed. They found a quiet lake to sit by and...Thank. Thunk? ... Thought. Meditated. There we go. Unbeknownst to them, Sakura was spying on them from behind the pigeon. Yes, it's that big.

"Grr...who is that girl with my Sasuke-kun?! gasp! NOOO! Are they dating?!" After a little messed up thinking... "He's engaged to her and she's having twins! My life is ruined!"

So while Sakura continued to torture herself with these thoughts, Sasuke found what he thought was a twit.

"That's great..." Lulu said sarcastically.

Sasuke randomly started singing with an amazingly good voice. Unfortunately the song was not so good.

"_Come little buzzy fly give me a banana! Daylight come and I'm gonna zap you. My underwear is on fire, Sakura is a liar. Her head is as big as a church spire..."_

Lulu could not comprehend this torture. She thought about pushing him into the water and stuffing the twit down his throat– permanently. But she didn't feel like wasting the effort on a loser like him. Shikamaru would be proud. So Sasuke was under the impression– or misimpression– that she liked the song. So he kept singing.

The goldfish idea was looking pretty good right now...

Meanwhile, Sakura was hiding in the water using a reed to breathe through. No one would notice a randomly moving reed where there were no reeds or any plants at all because it was a man-made lake. Suddenly she stepped on a giant chibi gackt person in the water. He scared her so that she jumped out of the water blowing her cover.

The water burst blew Lulu and Sasuke off the deck they were sitting on, then Sasuke realized this was the same deck he used to brood on after the evil Itachi cosplayer killed his clan. He landed on a rock ten feet away and disturbed a colony of sea strudel. And the sea strudel attacked Sakura because they hate pink.

Itachi suddenly appeared with his new glasses!! Man he looked good! Sasuke then thought that he wanted a pair too. So off Sasuke went to see the eye doctor, and fake that he couldn't see without glasses.

Meanwhile... at the kindergarten... Orochimaru got the kids to stop dancing on one condition: they got to finger paint his face and braid his hair.

Suddenly the weirdos got an idea, to go back in time to raise Orochimaru and Itachi to be good people. But first they needed to find a time machine. They went to find the pigeon.

"Hey pigeon!" shouted Aku, "get us a time machine from Lord G!!"

"Kuuuu!" replied the pigeon. And off it waddle-flopped.

The pigeon ran into Sasuke and broke his new glasses.

"Now have to go get another pair!" he exclaimed, then said, "maybe women will stop stalking me if I walk around with a pigeon on my head?"

"Kuu!?" Went the pigeon and pooped on his head before flying away.

Enter Naruto, who hasn't been much in this.

"Do I get to do something now?" He asked.

"We have you to bring the time machine because the pigeon is too fat to lift it!" Said Lulu, pointing at him.

"You can count on me!" Exclaimed Naruto and off he went. Then suddenly realized he didn't know which way to go, but not until he had been gone about two hours.

The pigeon was getting impatient, and summoned a woodchuck– it's a ninja pigeon! And it's got no fingers, or teeth. So it bites its claws. Yeah...

Meanwhile Sasuke came back with twenty pairs of glasses, just in case. He looked like he was about twenty years old. He must have had a workout while he was gone. Unfortunately a tree started making a fist at Sasuke, and threw tree poop at him. Whatever that is...

The tree started yelling at Sasuke about always being in the way, while Sasuke started running around in little circles screaming that a tree was screaming at him for always being in the way.

Anyway... The woodchuck came back with the time machine. And the tree turned into a young Gai, who was hot.

He started screaming about youth in trees who were screaming at Sasuke for always being in the way who was screaming at the tree screaming at him for always being in the way, who was screaming at Gai. Who was Gai? Wait, wasn't Gai the tree?

Back with the time machine... The two weirdos and the pigeon jumped in and went back in time. They went fifty years in the past to when Orochimaru was just one year old. (Yes he's that old, but he ain't got nothing on lord G!)

They stole him from the weird people who were taking care of him who were NOT his parents, since they died. The weirdos were going to stop him from growing up and learning forbidden jutsu to revive his parents and then stop him from getting jealous that a 26 year old Namikaze Minato became the 4th Hogake, instead of him who was 32, and learn forbidden Jutsu to prove he was stronger, then get sucked into the darkness and start experimenting on people.

Baby Orochimaru was hungry. He started biting Lulu.

"Ah! Stupid kid!" Lulu muttered.

They jumped back in the machine, not forgetting the pigeon, which is named Miyavi.

They then went to when Itachi was a little kid and Sasuke was very very little. They stole both of them from their parents. It was in the dark of the night. Sasuke started crying, because before his parents died he was very big cry-baby. They had to jump over traps and banana peels to get back to the time machine where Miyavi was waiting for them.

They got back in a flash of... orange light. Cause I didn't want to say purple.

Baby Orochimaru met little Sasuke.

"Mama!" Was the first thing he said.

"Orochimaru learned his first word!" cooed Itachi, who didn't know his name yet. That is the baby, not himself.

"That's the ugliest baby I have ever seen!" Aku exclaimed.

It– I mean he– started crying. To this day we are still not sure...

"Look his hands are so tiny he can swallow it!" said an unknown voice. It was the tree again. The tree has a bigger part in this than Naruto, who is still lost. The tree is not even a tree. Naruto isn't a Naruto but that's not the point...

So they returned to whenever they came from, where they would raise the children to be good and not psychopathic homicidal maniacs. Yep.

Naruto had a lollipop. He got it from one of those something has happened events from neopets. It said he found it on the floor. Anyway...

The Sasuke we know and little Sasuke met, and they both started bawling their eyes out. Then Sakura came and started cuddling little Sasuke and started squealing. Ino grabbed the other arm and they both started a tug of war over little Sasuke.

Little Itachi and Sasuke started catching up on missing times, while Sasuke told him that he grew up to be a homicidal maniac. He also started bawling his eyes out.

Aku went around handing out handkerchiefs to everyone. And Lulu was stuck with the ugliest fattest baby ever, because no one wanted it. She gave it to Miyavi and Miyavi took it to a beauty parlor, because it was fat and ugly. And there is a secret that the day class dose not know, the night class consists completely of... Vampires.

Miyavi came back with Orochimaru, which was not the ugliest fattest baby anymore. He's now the fairest of them all! Where's a mirror when you need one? Or a camera. He was sooo cute! Kawaiiiii!

Anyway...

There was a wedding going on in the background, between Shino and Tenten. Naruto was the priest, and he was also the flower girl, and the ring bearer, and the best man, and the bride's maid, and... where are the Narutos coming from??

He was an octuplet. There was Naruto, Naruko, Naruke, Narusuke, Naruhito, Narui, Narushi, Naruhime. They were all boys! They had a little sister named George.

Sasuke was there, and little Sasuke, and big Itachi, and little Itachi, and little Orochimaru and big Orochimaru, and medium Sasuke, and everybody in Konoha was there!

And Sasuke caught the bouquet.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. THE WEDDING!

THE WEDDING!

Sasuke caught the bouquet. And Sakura wasn't there to see it. She was abducted by YU. He likes pink, apparently. He needed a new car salesman, even though there were no cars... yet. Poor Yu. Or is it poor Sakura?

Back to Sasuke. He only had one person in mind: Lulu. Nihaou! But all the girls were after him, even the 50 year old ladies. And men...O.o... this is so wrong. Er...

Sasuke had to go put his mushrooms on, while getting away from the people. Suddenly he was picked up by an unknown force, that we like to call Aku, and dragged him into his own house, away from the fan people. He started laughing hispanically, historically, hysterically all at the same time! And he got his mushrooms on! Boohyah.

"Hey Sasuke, I got an idea! You like my sister don't you?" Aku randomly said, ignoring his laughing. "I got an idea to win her heart, because she obviously hates you. You must dress up as a ninja and square dance to forever love backwards!"

Suddenly lord G. Pops in. "Can I sing?" He asked posing like Gai.

"Sure. Only if you bring me Cocoa puffs." Said Sasuke, finally getting over his laughter.

"Aw Grass I wanted to sing it!" Said Hinata. She has a double life. She stalks both Naruto AND Sasuke. Cause EVERYBODY stalks Sasuke.

"But where I am going to get a ninja outfit?" Sasuke wondered.

"...wow...ur smrt shaskay..." Said his computer.

"...Wait, I don't have a computer...KAKASHI!" bellowed Sasuke at the Kashi-Comp. _Poof._

"Grass... I'll go bother Tsunade."

"Oh, I know! Itachi has a ninja outfit, I can use his!" Sasuke screamed.

"Not so fast, foolish little brother." Itachi popped in with his brothers: Vincent Valentine, Alex Row, Haji, and all his other brothers. "That's MINe." he purred.

"Sasuke, you idiot, you ARE a ninja." muttered Vincent.

"Let's go, HA!"

Meanwhile...

Sakura was getting 2 hundred bucks an hour being car salesman-woman.

Again somewhere else...

Lulu was trying to speak Mandarin, and eat a mandarin orange at the same time. She sounded like the Grudge. So far would be stupid. (AN.A: O.o... AN.O: what? AN.A: nvm.) I'm just trying to make it stupid. You don't have to try very hard. Yay confusing conversation XD.

George was melting some fangirls over broccoli for supper that night for her brothers. At Lulu's house. They moved in.

Sasuke BURST in wearing a pink leotard with ninja fish-nets, with the fish still in them. He started to sing...

"_I had a fixed date with Kurenai... The battle cry's key was burning with desire for something._

_Ah! The red fox was something... The scares were crying... but now... _

"_Ah! I want to hold my mother... My mother's flare skirt and her heart... Continued cute thing... it's not cure love, in an oak tree..._

"_Will you hold my heart, the god of foodstuffs has tears... It's come to nothing... All my heart.._

"_Forever light! Forever Kira! Africa rice cakes however... Hagi's deer cutting machine nowadays is getting a scolding... Oh tell me why!_

"_All I see is blue, in my heart... Will you stay with me? Shadow loves mad monkeys... as yet I am attempting two tasks simultaneously, accomplishing neither... All my tears..._

"_Forever light, Forever Kira! Things my mother's noodles were. ... The demons laughed evilly while they stole galoshes... Oh Stay with me! _

"_Ah! The subtitles are unreadable! Bubbles didn't have a kimono... Ah! The lame thing... I forgot to mention your duck... _

"_Forever Light Forever Kira... things my mother's noodles were... the demons laughed evilly while they stole galoshes... Ah will you stay with me... Shadow loves mad the monkeys and the monkettes.. More dare your mother's noodles... _

"_Forever Light Forever Kira, I had a fixed date with Kurenai, Oh Tell me why Oh Tell me true, oh sheet Iruka ema... _

_Forever Lover, Forever Dreamer, afraid of tears in the stomach... yakitori kissed eternity in kyuubi mode... Forever Love..."_

"_Delete...Delete...Delete...Delete...DELETE..."_

Uh...

Sasuke couldn't see anymore. There was something covering his head. Lulu had spun his ninja ski mask around so that his voice would be muffled, and his hair stuck out the face holes.

Aside from getting 98 percent of the lyrics wrong and singing worse than a dying Naruto... yeah... it was bad... Well it's not his fault Gackt can't write straight. Or maybe he shouldn't have been wearing the cool glasses while trying to read... I forgot about those.

When Sasuke was able to find himself, he was alone. _Wimper?_ Then he realized that Lulu must have been so impressed that she started to cry and didn't want him to see or he might be sad so she ran off. That's it.

Unfortunately Lulu did not welcome the attention and turned to her good friend George for help.

"What do I do? This weirdo won't leave me alone..."

While sauteing some fangirls George replied: "Just do something that he hates."

Lulu considered a moment. "What does he hate...?"

They thought silently, while people marched outside with picket signs reading: _Sasuke hates Sakura!._ (These were the anti- Sasuke x Sakura fans)

"...That's it! I'll dye my hair pink like Sakura's hair! THEN Sasuke will totally hate me!!"

George silently gave her the thumbs up and continued roasting the wild fangirls. Yes she is. A cannibal. Don't get on George's bad side.

at the store

There was (for hair color) the choices of:

-Pale pink

-Pastel pink

-Web color pink

-Web color light pink

-Cherry Blossom pink

-Nadeshiko pink (carnation)

_-_Web color hot pink

_-_Web color deep pink

_-_Dark pink

-Bright pink

-Shocking pink

-Berry pink

-Salmon pink

-Blush pink

-Tickle me pink

-Gackt pink

-Watermelon pink

-Hot pink

-Sasuke pink

-Dark pink

-iPod pink

-Blue pink

-Sakura pink-

"-THERE WE GO!"

Lulu bought the hair dye then rushed home to dye her hair when she saw Byakuya in a purple leotard chasing Neji and yelling something about being a long lost brother...he looked hot. Followed by Sasuke in a tooth fairy outfit (ignoring her for time being), Sakura chasing him in a samurai outfit, and Naruto running after them in a mermaid outfit because he had nothing better to do. AND THEN...Itachi came in a pink leotard covered in sequins...and everybody else wanted sequins too._ group pout_ I think Neji will have brain damage.

"SOMETHING SOMETHING ZAKURA!" exclaimed Byakuya, and the flower petals flowed from his sword trying to give Neji a hair-cut!

Trying to ignore it all, Lulu went to dye her hair before Sasuke saw her.

"Step one...Go to your favorite super market or grocer. Ask an employee to direct you to the aisle containing Pop-Tarts. (...?) Step two...Fill the cup 3/4 of the way with soil and place 5 seeds equally apart on the soil. (...) 3...Shift your weight between your feet. You can continue bobbing your head, if it helps, but don't stop counting yet. (?!) ...4...If your cat still is mean and scratches, first see if it is just being playful; cats sometimes forget that those things on the end of their toes are vicious daggers. Also it could be a sign of a medical problem...

"Ok who wrote this?!"

Lulu gives up and just ends up dumping the whole thing on her head.

Just then Sasuke came in! "OOH PINK! I LOVE PINK!" He shouted.

Lulu stared. Then she groaned and smacked Sasuke.

"What kind of man are you?!"

"A manly man." He smiled.

Lulu twitched. Just when she thought it couldn't get worse, the door opened and in came...

Everybody in the village.

"We heard you're having a BBQ!"

"Who wants some?" Said George. Nobody knew what the special meat was. Only lord Gackt Had Camui... and he wasn't telling.

"I've been wondering where I was." said Lord G, as he filled his plate with curry.

"Hey that's my curry of YOUTH!" said Gai.

"Well it's mine now!" Gackt replied, holding the plate close to his heart.

splash

"My CURRY!" Exclaimed the dog tree.

"You haven't heard the last of this!" Gackt said in a threatening voice, then he puffed away in a fluffy cloud like a ninja. Everyone pretended they didn't see him leave through the door.

Meanwhile...

There are different things going on at the party... some of which we don't want to know...

Kamijo and Kakashi were having a break dancing contest on the salsa table. Byakuya was cutting people's hair. And Trunks was trying to find his sister who shouldn't have been born.

And Sasuke was being a vampire...?

But the party didn't really start until Miyavi the pigeon arrived! He was the DJ. And a lot of booming music was heard throughout the village, which really didn't need to be because everyone was at the same place.

By morning... The sun rose. And everyone was deaf. And Tsunade was drunk on soy sauce. She lost a bet again. All is good in the world. But wait...

There is a secret the day class doesn't know. The night class consists entirely of... vamp– Sasuke.

And Zetsu married a pony. ... ? ? ?

They ran out of fangirls to cook so everyone started leaving with their goodie bags. Lulu was left stunned on the sofa with her terribly pink hair. It started spilling onto her face so now her skin was pink as well. Sasuke was thrilled.

Sakura came in.

"Why won't you love me? I'm pink! I always wear pink!"

"You look like a zombie." Stated Itachi. "You need Itachi's miracle cream! Just three easy payments of 19.99! Then you can be pretty like me.." sparkle sparkle

"Ok!" Sakura agreed with a perky smile.

"You stand like a girl!"

"I am a girl!"

"No you're not!!" . . . .

After Byakuya married George( Naru-peoples's sister), and while Kyou from fruits basket came and had a deep discussion with Byakuya, Light/Kira killed all of the ants for munching on his munchies, accidentally killing all ants and starting a chain reaction in the bug kingdom.

Then he killed everyone else for not recycling.

Then Lelouche came and blew up the world.

The end.

"-WOAH?!...that was a weird dream...why are you biting your pillow?"

"...I don know..."

...Is it REALLY the end??

Or just the beginning...


End file.
